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 Post subject: What the VDV means to a Russian
PostPosted: Fri Jan 11, 2008 2:00 am 
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Praporshik
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You can learn about various subjects through multiple means. But I don't think that traditional text book definitions will give a reader a full sense of what VDV mean to Russians. But I think these couple of jokes will give you an idea:

During an arms expo, the press and visitors gather by the US Army gear exhibit: a huge American Airborne soldier in full gear with all the latest hi-tec gadgetry. There's a panel on his gear with three buttons, red, blue and white. When asked about their functiones, the Americans explained that these control the sophisticated internal thermoregulation and neurostimulation systems. When the soldier is too cold he activates the internal heating cuircutry by pressing the red button, the blue button will cool him down and the white button will inject stimulants that will let the soldier keep on fighting for an entire day even if he's dead tired. Impressed and awed the crowd moves on to the next booth which happens to be the Russian Army gear exhibit. There they see an big Russian VDV soldier in regular gear but with a huge and heavy metal door attached to his back on hinges. The Russian explain that this is the latest Russian innovation that works like this: when the soldier is too hot, he opens the door and cools down, when he's too cold, he shuts it and warms up, and when he's dead tired, he just ditches the damn thing and keeps on fighting for another week!
[hr]
A Russian VDV soldier is on a date with a girl during his R&R. They are walking in a romantic park but they can't seem to make a good contact. So the girl assumes the initiative and says: "Well I've dated soldiers before and it's always very interesting. For example this communications guy told me so much about the stuff he does that I think I can use the Morze code now. And this tanker described the stuff they are tought in such an interesting way that I think I could drive a tank now. There must be some cool stuff they teach you too? The VDV pauses and then reluctantly says: "Do you really want me to break your jaw?"
[hr]
1984, a VDV company is being sent to Afghanistan. After months of rigorous training and indoctrination the Sarge tells them when the plane is landing: "You are the elite, you will be fighting like crazy and destroy the enemy. In recognition, the command will pay a hundred roubles for each dukh's (haji) head." The plane lands and the eager VDV run out on the tarmac and into the city. Half an hour later the come back, some carry one head, some two, the recon guys bring an entire sack full of hadji's heads. The Sarge cries in horror: "What the f*** have you done, idiots! This is still Tashkent, we've just landed for an hour to refuel on our way to Afghanistan!"
[hr]
Two cops spot a drunken rowdy VDV soldier in a public park, and after some hesitation decide that he should be apprehended. "You go first, says one, and then I'll avenge you".
[hr]
Before a VDV company jumps for the first time, an instructor cheers them up on the runway: "Don't worry, statistically only one in a thousand shute malfunctions, and there's only two hundred of you here".
[hr]
A VDV Sergeant is instructing a groop of new VDV conscripts, he tells them that after VDV training they will be able to do all kinds of things that regular soldiers can't, for example drive 10-inch nails into the fence with their bare foreheads. The young conscripts are sceptical so the Sarge goes: "OK worms, allow me to demonstrate!" He takes one ten-incher, puts it to the wooden fence and rams it with his forehead. Despite all expectations, the nail doesn go in, but simply bends. The Sarge is like, WTF? He takes five more and repeats the procedure, all nails bend but refuse to go in the fence. The conscripts are laughing and the Sarge is outraged, he looks to the check the other side of the fence and yells with relief: "f***, I knew that the zampolit (XO's political deputy) was peeping on the other side!"
[hr]
Yugoslavia, late 90's. A Russian VDV peacekeeper is chilling on top of a hill when a platoon of US Marines is passing by. He yells at them: "Hey ladies, I bet I could take any three of you!" and vanishes behind the hill. The American sergeant wants to teach the obnoxious Russian a lesson and sends three of the biggest meanest marines in the platoon. They go behind the hill, some violent struggle is heard then the same Russian shows up on top of the hill and yells again: "Told ya! I bet I can take your whole platoon you pussies!". The US Sergeant is outraged and commands his entire platoon to go and get him the Russian's head. The Marines charge and soon disappear behind the hill. More violent struggle is heard, then a single the American, badly messed up, emerges crawling from behind the hill and screams: "Sarge, call for backup immediately, it's an ambush! There's TWO of them there!"
[hr]

urah! :VDV:
URAH! :VDV:
URAH! :VDV:

I hope this has served some help in clarifying who we are representing.
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